Callum Reviews….. Gordon Brown’s Smile.

Mocked and satirised so much, it is only fair that I review Gordon Brown’s attempt at smiling.

This review is simple, the man should not smile!

Firstly, its more forced than someone trying to shove a fully erect 6 inch penis into a rats mouth. It just doesn’t work! why try do something that just doesn’t work. Why force something if it doesn’t come naturally.

Secondly, Everytime he smiles a puppy becomes depressed, (Proven Fact)

A Puppy after seeing the smile.

There is no doubt in my mind that the smile lost ol Brown the election. It made children cry, women vomit, caused Ian Huntley to cringe and induced mystical powers that made peoples pencils tick the conservative box rather than labour.

I would rather watch 2 girls 1 cup again than ever see this travesty of a smile again.


Next time on Callum Reviews……Cramp.

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Callum Reviews…….Hitler

How can you review someone like Hitler i hear you ask? This wouldn’t be a very good review everything blog if i’m not available to review Hitler, So shuddup.

Firstly to understand the man we have to see the man.

Firstly lets review the mans look, he is a style icon for dress up parties alike and to replicate his look for parties is a simple method to annoy a lot of people. (See Prince Harrys malarkies a few years back)

Lets point out the evilness of the man. I would compare him to Gargamel from the Smurfs. Both show a tendency to hate different races of people. Hitler hated Jews, homosexuals and retards, Gargamel hated little blue people.

Even though Hitler lost World War 2, his persistence could be classed as legendary, almost on par with Zubat from the pokemon games where Hitler obviously got his inspiration from and his 4 steps to success programme.

1- Hide only in caves.

2-Pop out and random intervals to annoy annoying kids or jews and to use his special supersonic ability.

3- If they run away, pop up again at a random interval less than ten seconds later.

4- Round all the people who have annoyed him up and gas them.

Apart from the disgraceful nature of step 4, if we study these steps we have to grow to admire his persistence.

Now we come to the main point of this review….the man is dead, which immediatly docks him points. If he was alive i would review and rate hitler as a 6 or 7 out of ten.

Instead he gets an unhealthy 4 out of 10 purley because if your dead, now matter how old you are or would be means that you failed at life, which is not a good sign in any my books. (Which i havent written any of yet)

Next time on Callum’s Review……. Fuck it im not telling you.

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The Concept of Callums Reviews.

To go where no man has gone before, to write and say what no man has before…. this is my concept

As the saying goes….If at first you dont succeed, give up and try something else. or in my case review something else.

I aim to review anything in existence. Including your face. Play me off Keyboard Cat.

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