Callum Reviews……. Children.

Obnoxious, spoilt, smelly, annoying, whiney, moany, loud, stupid,

I walk anywhere nowadays and when I see a child one of those words pop into my head. (10+ age children are another matter!) There is very very very very rare exceptions granted where certain children transcend these opinions and do give me hope for the future but 99% of them make me realise the apocalypse is nigh.

Why the fucking hell are parents not allowed to discipline children properly any more, when I was a sprogg if I was naughty I got a smack and sent to my room with no dinner, I like to think I have turned into a pretty upstanding citizen, I hold the door open for people, I say my pleases and thank yous, if I see someone who needs help I always offer help and I generally don’t ask for much. Nowadays all you see from kids is the word “want”, every other fucking word they say is “WANT”  and 9 times out of 10 they get because the parents are too stupid to realise that they are spoiling their little beasts. Each generation is getting more disrespectful softer at an increasing rate, I can see this and I’m still only young.

The future is fucking bleak.

1/10

 

Next time on callumreviews………… Hippies.

Ya’ll know it wont be.

Until then….

Cheese toast bitch

 

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Callum Video Reviews 2, Giving up Smoking

2nd ever video review, about giving up smoking, fuck my life, dedicated to Chris, co founder of C Squared, the greatest team that ever existed.

Giving up Smoking 2/10 BOOOOOLSHIT!

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Callums First Positive Review…and the first one in a while.

OMG,

Could it be, will it be Callums first positive review?!

Well In this review, I will go on to review a video game….and indie game that has taken off like crazy and with good reason…Minecraft.

I like many people heard about it, looked at it for a while and thought, crappy graphics…. seems a bit pointless, but on closer inspection anyone with an ounce of imagination or creativity could grab this game by the balls and make an infinite amount of things, from your very own adventures, too a scale model of a famous landmark, to a 100ft tall obsidian cock for the less mature of us.

Originally i hadnt even played Minecraft, until a friend decided to show me a series on Minecraft from the guys at the Yogscast and my word how their series on Minecraft has taken off, and with good reason, with over half a million subscribers on youtube they keep so in touch with their audience and work hard to create (although a bit nerdy) funny, inspiring and classic bits of work, merely using a bunch of blocks formed in a computer game, this epitomizes what Minecraft should be about, the endless fun and possibilities available with such an open game.

So, I purchase the game and begin…well mining, gaining materials is the essence of the game, with these materials you can then build whatever you like. I have myself a little house and have done much exploring around my randomly generated world, ran into many creepers and like a lot of people have built myself a cosy little house too rest in when the evilness comes out in the dark. I have a few half arsed projects i started, but haven’t finished yet, im just looking for inspiration to build something epic….. we’ll see how that forms and i will keep you updated.

Anyway, if your looking for a bit of fun, or just to build 100ft cocks then minecraft is deffo the game for you, cant say im convinced about it going on to the xbox, but we will see.

Minecraft gets a well deserved…. 9.8/10

Ive been too nice in this review, i feel a bit dirty, next time i will review something bad……. maybe related to my line of work….maybe related to something that pisses me off….im thinking Rihanna….. but as usual it prob wont be, until then bitches,

Work Hard, review sporadically…<<< thats my new tag line…what do u think?

Also heres a little clip from the yogscast;s Minecraft series to see if i can convert any others to waste many hours watching these 2 legends fart around on Minecraft 😉

 

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Callum Reviews….British People Complaining about British Weather.

Its Monday, the weather outside is pretty damn nasty, cue twitter and fbook updates of at least 20 people complaining that the weather is shitty.

Now unless you have lived in the UK for less than a year and haven’t seen all 4 seasons of this countries marvellous weather we should all now be used to the British weather and its stunning unpredictability.

Why then when it rains and gets colder because the seasons are changing do people feel the need too fucking moan about it!

YES ITS RAINING, YES ITS GETTING COLD, why talk about it too every person you meet! Are your lives that unfulfilled all you can do is comment on the weather and especially on facebook or twitter where anyone reading it can just look out their window for a fucking weather update! they dont need you complaining about it too remind them that the weather is shite!

British people, the whole world basically mocks us for our weather moaning! GET OVER IT OR FUCK OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE.

0.5/10

Twats.

Next time on callum reviews, Chlamydia.

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Callums First Video Review!

Here is my first video review……enjoy 🙂

Next time on Callum Reviews……..Rampant Rabbits.

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Update and CallumReviews Catholicism and the Popes visit to the UK

Ok, when i started this blog i insisted to myself i would try and do at least one review a week, for this fail of a fail i give myself 0.5/10 😦

So i will try and make this post extra special and review a subject close to my heart…… Catholicism and the Pope’s “visit” to the UK.

The pope doing what he does best, showing off those tainted fingers......

Now…… i am all for people believing what they want too believe, i dont hold grudges whether they believe in say satanism or believe that pokemon existed instead of dinosaurs….. but Catholicism….i make one fuck off big exception because the people who believe the shit the catholic church spew are fecking retarded.  On par with inbred southern americans with half a brain and 6 fingers and toes….combined…

Seriously, believing in a religion that has convinced priests and vicars and men of the cloth that touching and abusing young boys is actually right is fucking stupid, yet they have a huge grip on the religion market, just see all the spacktards who turned out to see the pope when he visited the uk  in his pope(pimp)mobile. (which is also a travesty….. take note catholics of where ur money u give in church is going =) )

Then his visit some how raped all the time taken on the 24 hour news channels! lets get this right, Catholicism is actually a minor staple when it comes to religion all over the world, there are more worthy people in the world who deserve the news coverage…take this bloke who saved a kid from falling off an escalator in turkey….and saved by a man with an AWESOME CATCH.

what does this amazing act of courage get, a one min spot on the news…..ridiculous.

Then they have the masses the pope held broadcasting live…. i sat through one….chanting, silence and the pope speaking broken English for more than an hour. I’d rather watch loose women or pigs being skinned alive for an hour…it would be more interesting and less apocalyptic feeling than this shit…if u have ever played final fantasy 10, see the Yevon religion in this for a good satire/link with the catholic religion.

CATHOLICISM…………….FUCK YOU

0.00001/10

Next time on Callum Reviews……….(again i prob wont review it) …………… anal fissures.

Until then here is the banjo tune from deliverance..

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Callum Reviews….. The North of England.

As a person who has never visited the north of England, I feel I can give a completely fair view of the North of England.  As I live in a fairly southern part of the world I live in idyllic countryside village surrounded by lovely countryside and butt rapingly good scenery. As a kid growing up, the places to explore were unlimited. I live in fairly nice house and am not overloaded by idiots. Lets compare this with a typical family scene from northern england.

As well as the epic lols we get from the one guy in his celtic shirt and the fact that this lot are lovers as well as brothers and sisters…… we get ugly, depressed looking people drinking cheap alcohol in the tiniest dining room ever. This sums the north up to a tee, pointless and as about as useful as a vacuum cleaner that blows rather than sucks. Its somewhere in which i would only visit if i was handcuffed and forced to go.

It dreary boring and what the fuck is there of any interest in the north of England except mocking wankers who rape the english language with thier fuck off annoying accent.

Nuclear warfare from the south of england is inevitable.

North of England……FUCK YOU

0.6/10

Next time on Callums Reviews…….. im never gunna actually review the things i say at this point, but lets go with Luigi of the super mario brothers.

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